ST LOUIS, MO. (August 30, 2017) – Anheuser-Busch is delivering three truckloads – over 155,000 cans – of emergency drinking water to help communities in the Gulf Coast area in response to Hurricane Harvey. The company also brought in three interns and two marketing supervisors just to oversee promotion of this selfless gesture.
An initial truckload of water was sent from Anheuser-Busch’s Cartersville brewery in Georgia and delivered to the American Red Cross in Baton Rouge on Monday, August 28. Drafting of a press release about this generous help started around roughly the same time and interns worked around the clock to generate media lists and track down contact info for local newspapers, as well as national and web-based media outlets.
The Cartersville brewery halts production periodically throughout the year to prepare canned drinking water so as to be ready to help American communities in times of need. Accordingly, the brewing giant already has surplus of cans designed specifically for water and emblazoned with a massive Anheuser-Busch “A” logo with its distinctive eagle so nobody mistakes the water for a philanthropic effort by a lesser brewery.
“Putting our production and logistics strengths to work by providing safe, clean drinking water is the best way we can help in these situations” said Brad Billy, Anheuser-Busch’s Vice President for Outreach, “and rolling out a full-press PR effort to make sure everyone knows we did this ensures that shutting down beer production to can water isn’t just a big money-sucking waste of god damn time.”
Hurricane Harvey hit the Gulf Coast early Saturday with winds over 100 mph and devastating floods in some areas. The American Red Cross prepared over 50 shelters to support thousands of potentially displaced people. Anheuser-Busch and its world-class brewmasters have carried on a legacy of brewing America’s most popular beers for or more than 160 years and never miss an opportunity for good press.
“It’s crucial, even in times of crisis, not to lose focus on the importance of constantly position our brand,” Billy added. “Being a soulless, cash-hungry marketing machine means you can’t take a break during exceptional circumstances. Even in tragic situations, there’s an opportunity to market our tasteless, foreign-owned, industrial lager to dim-witted Americans. And you can bet your ass we’re going to jump all over it.”
Anheuser-Busch Companies is a wholly owned subsidiary of Anheuser-Busch InBev, who bought the company via hostile takeover in 2008. At the time, the company laid off 1,400 employees and 415 contractors, and introduced zero-based budgeting. They also axed all company contributions to the salaried employee pension plan, cut company-provided life insurance to retirees, stopped tuition reimbursement, and canceled severance packages. The company also cut all employee perks like free tickets to St. Louis Cardinals baseball games and tickets to Busch Gardens. Anheuser-Busch had nothing to do with this fake press release that is clearly satire.