Tag: satire

Bud Light expands successful Rita franchise and places brewers on suicide watch

Posted on by Ben

ST. LOUIS, August 13, 2015

The Bud Light Lime Ritas franchise is growing.

Building off the success of the Lime-A-Rita, Straw-Ber-Rita, Mang-O-Rita, and Raz-Ber-Rita, Bud Light has announced a forthcoming Pineapple-Rita, the newest bold flavour in the lineup of Bud Light’s refreshing beer cocktails.

The brand anticipates continued success with the launch of Pineapple-Rita, which is an 8% ABV flavoured malt beverage blending all the exciting refreshment of Bud Light Lime with the taste of pineapple.

In anticipation of the production of large volumes of Pineapple-Rita, Bud Light has also announced that they have placed their brewmasters on round the clock suicide watch. Continue reading “Bud Light expands successful Rita franchise and places brewers on suicide watch” →

Homebrewer Creates Exact Replica of Westvleteran XII, Has No Idea

Posted on by Ben

Todd Reynolds

Brampton resident Todd Reynolds inadvertently struck gold earlier this week when his homebrewing efforts netted him a batch of beer that was completely identical to the famed Belgian Trappist Ale, Westvleteran XII.

Working in his garage, Reynolds happened on the recipe entirely by accident in what he describes as “only my third or fourth time making beer,” admitting, “I don’t really know what I’m doing yet.” Continue reading “Homebrewer Creates Exact Replica of Westvleteran XII, Has No Idea” →

When drinking local becomes a problem: Locarexia Nervoso

Posted on by Ben

I have a problem.

I didn’t realize it was a problem until quite recently but a couple events have made it quite clear that it’s real and it’s something I need to deal with.

The first time I knew I had a problem was following a softball game. My team, comprising a number of work colleagues, opted to hit a bar in order to drown our sorrows following a 20-10 routing and, since it was the nearest bar to the diamond, we had the unfortunate experience of visiting The Dog’s Bollocks on Queen.

Now, to be clear, I don’t really mean to slag The Dog’s Bollocks–I recognize that it is a pub and that its most endearing qualities are intended to be its cheap draft, bar food, and numerous TV screens.

I’m no dummy. I wouldn’t expect gourmet from an establishment named after an animal’s nut sack. But my experience was not great–and it’s largely due to my psychological issue. Continue reading “When drinking local becomes a problem: Locarexia Nervoso” →