The Great Ontario Beer Freakout

Or: How I Learned to Stop Caring and Drink Lager

Maybe it’s old guy navel gazing. Maybe it’s romanticizing a certain period of my life. Or maybe it never really happened at all. But I feel like craft beer in Ontario really did have a hey day.

It was brief, but it felt like something cool to be part of. It felt like something great was happening. Brewers were pushing the boundaries of what beer should look, sound, smell, and taste like and it was this fervent and fertile time period that made this industry blossom. 

Maybe it was a decade ago? I’m not sure. I was drinking a lot at the time. 

But Ontario craft beer was briefly a special sort of crazy. Controversy over cartoonish bombs on cans? Why not? Fuck the LCBO! Dry-hop everything until the air tastes like Citra. Dismantle The Beer Store and salt the earth so nothing owned by the big guys can grow back. Death to AB InBev!

Continue reading “The Great Ontario Beer Freakout”

Dining Out in 2024: A milestone

A mostly fictional account of visiting a franchise restaurant

It was a confluence of unfortunate circumstances and bad judgement that led me to taking a three year-old to a suburban mall the week after Christmas.

There were things to return, a late gift to pick up, and we were catching an afternoon movie nearby. “It’ll be fun,” I had told my wife stupidly as she departed for a girls’ night. “We’ll kill some time and maybe grab dinner.”

It isn’t much later; errands having been run, movie abandoned at the halfway point, and said late gift — oversized and heavy — slung awkwardly in a ripping paper bag under my arm; that I begin to have my first pangs of doubt.

My back is starting to hurt. The mall crowds are irritating me. And my son, being three, had long stopped listening to rational suggestions.

“Buddy,” I negotiate, “maybe we don’t want to lick the escalator railing, OK?”

I shove his coat under my arm and assure myself we just need to get to a restaurant and get some food — and a drink for me — into our bellies. The food court is a no-go. We’ll never agree on something he and I will both eat and there is no chance I am lining up twice to eat. The mall is also attached to a location of The Keg but it seems like both a waste of money and an unfair thing to foist on people on weekend dates to bring a small child there.

And so to the mid-tier franchise restaurant we go.

I corral my son toward the correct escalator using a piece of candy I had found in my coat earlier that day. “There’s got to be one decent beer on tap,” I tell myself as we approach, like a fucking idiot who has never dined at a mid-tier franchise restaurant in London, Ontario.

Continue reading “Dining Out in 2024: A milestone”

Unironically Rocking Out to Smash Mouth

My name is Ben Johnson, and I enjoy late 1990s top forty pop rock.

It’s something I didn’t ever see coming, but now that I’ve said it out loud, it feels inevitable and — honestly —  something of a relief to admit. It’s one less thing to give a fuck about as I inch closer to middle age.

I first realized I had a problem when I was at the gym and, tired of the same two “Workout” playlists I created seven years ago, I opted for one of those “because you like X” playlists and let the algorithmic gods take me where they may. A few minutes into my breathy, post-weights elliptical jaunt, I realized with some sense of alarm that I was listening to Smash Mouth’s “Walkin’ on The Sun.” Not only that, I realized I knew every word to the song and I was…singing along?

What the fuck.

Continue reading “Unironically Rocking Out to Smash Mouth”

In defence of Drinking alone at a bar

 

If, for some reason, you’d like to have this blog post read to you instead of reading it, you can listen to Episode 76 of the Beer and Bullshit podcast, below.

#111 – Hellfire and brimstone Beer and Bullsh*t

This week, two old beer-scented ink-slingers chop it up as Jordan St. John returns and joins Ben to reflect on his days as a nationally-syndicated beer columnist, editor of the beer magazine The Growler, and beer instructor at George Brown. They dig into just how incestuous big beer in Canada is, BJCP certification for the dreaded Ontario Pale Ale,  and why no one cares about anything any more. Plus: Jordan mentions upstart Bickford Brewing so many times it seems like he might be on the payroll. 
  1. #111 – Hellfire and brimstone
  2. #110 – Double Saison
  3. #109 – My car smells like ass
  4. #108 – Blow your brains out
  5. #107 – Your butt's broken

Drinking alone at a bar is much maligned in fiction.

The clichéd trope usually features our hero, beaten down by the world, having lost his family/partner/coaching career/platoon, seeking refuge in the bottom of a bottle. He’s hunched over a sticky bar on a corner stool, a cigarette smoldering in the ashtray next to him, and he’s staring blankly at a game playing quietly on the TV in the mid-day din of an old, dark, wood-paneled bar.

Inevitably, this is the setting into which someone from the hero’s past arrives, casting the blinding glare of the outside world on the bar as he or she arrives to wrench our main character from his Wild Turkey-soaked-funk, butt out his smoke, and send him back to his family/the murder case/the ballpark/the Saigon jungle to exact revenge.

Cue the comeback montage.

But here’s the thing about this tired trope: Not only is it a lazy shorthand for despair,. it’s factually inaccurate. Because to me that nicotine-tinged, stale-beer-scented, mise-en-scène doesn’t seem like a place to be rescued from. To me that sounds fucking lovely.

In fact, I can think of few better places to spend a few hours in solitude than a divey bar. And if you’ve ever done it, I’m sure you’ll agree: Drinking alone at a bar is actually pretty awesome. It really is something akin to self-care and it’s  shockingly effective at curing your loneliness and boredom. Haven’t chatted with another human in a while? Wandering around your house or apartment aimlessly? Head to your local and strike up a conversation with a bored bartender or some other solo drinker. Learn something new about composite flooring or sustainable endoscopy or whatever dumb thing it is they do for a living. Regale them right back with stories of the dumb shit you do for a living. You’re meeting a new person. There’s beer. It’s great!

On the flip side, drinking alone at a bar is also a great cure for overstimulation. Is your house a toy-cluttered shitstorm of noise, sticky surfaces, and offspring? Sneak off to the bar around the corner when everyone is asleep. Have a pound of wings. Watch a west coast game you normally wouldn’t give a shit about. Turn off your brain and Just. Sit. There.

Oh yeah, baby.

And in case you haven’t noticed, a lot of local bars and restaurants are hurting right now. In addition to the rising costs of pretty much everything, the lingering effect of the pandemic seems to be that a lot of people seem to have forgotten the simple joy of going somewhere just for the sake of going somewhere. It’s something I’m only rediscovering now as a germaphobe with a now three year-old pandemic baby. I don’t think of it as wasting hard-earned money on drinks I might have had more cheaply at home, I think of it as doing my part to stimulate the local economy. Yes, the word hero gets thrown around a lot lately, but in this case, I’ll accept it.

So here’s hoping Hollywood might get the message and stop misrepresenting the sublime enjoyment of a fresh pint or a well-made cocktail sipped in solitude in the dusty confines of a neighbourhood bar. Instead of some asshole wrenching our hero from his alone time and pulling him back to whatever hellish nightmare he’s seekingt to avoid, even just for a few hours, lets instead see that asshole pull up a pull up a barstool and order a shot.

The End of The Beer Store’s Monopoly

 

“And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.”

~Revelation 18:2

The days of The Beer Store’s monopoly are over, and I fear we are the poorer for it.

For months now, we’ve known something big was coming from our Dear Premier, Douglas Clortho Ford. There had been rumblings that an announcement about the province’s retail beer system was forthcoming and my sources at Queen’s Park were increasingly troubled by Dofo’s anxious, aggressive behaviour. They tell me he’d been eating an inordinate amount of mint-flavoured toothpicks from his favourite Etobicoke diner and aides were calling out sick in droves, fearful of his restless energy. “He has been pacing for hours,” one told me a few weeks ago under the strict condition of confidentiality. “He’s worn through two pairs of double-wide loafers and he’s sweat through half a dozen ill-fitting wool blazers.”

Indeed, he was excited. And now we know why.

Because two weeks days ago, steeped in Dep gel and bounding through the automatic doors of a convenience store like the demon dog from Ghostbusters bursting out of Louis Tully’s bedroom, Ford announced that the province wouldn’t be renewing the Master Framework Agreement, which currently limits the number of grocery stores that are allowed to sell beer and prevents anyone but The Beer Store from selling beer in formats bigger than a 12 pack.

Yes, the days of The Beer Store’s monopoly are over, but I fear we are the poorer for it.

Obviously, killing The Beer Store’s stranglehold on the exclusive ability to sell Ontarians packaged beer is a good thing. The Beer Store, conceived of as a cooperative of Ontario’s breweries, became a farce once the biggest breweries on earth commenced their ruthless strategy of buying up or pushing out as many independent breweries as possible in the name of bland, yellow, carbonated capitalism. Now the erstwhile co-op is owned by three of the earth’s biggest beer-marketing machines and has lumbered on as the dusty, conveyor-belt-and-malt-fart-scented offspring of the shittiest parts of Canada’s beer industry; a biproduct of unchecked greed kept alive by stupidity and laziness.

Continue reading “The End of The Beer Store’s Monopoly”

My neighbour brings me beer


After over a decade writing about beer, I have discovered an interesting and cost-effective way to try new beers and find out what “regular folks” are into these days: I drink my neighbours’ beers.  

It’s not an altogether scientific method, but, these days I find that I am more likely to discover something new by way of an unexpected beer delivery from a neighbour who puts something in my hand knowing that I’m a beer guy; ironically, sowing the fruits of my past efforts sharing my formerly-abundant “beer mail” with them*.

It’s of course an inexpensive way to try new things, but it’s also an interesting way to track trends in Ontario’s craft beer scene. My retired teacher neighbour heard about Black Bellows Brewery from a friend and stopped in on a trip to Collingwood and now there is a decent IPA in my mailbox I’ve never tried before. The family around the corner heard an ad for Cowbell Brewery on the radio and decided to try a mix pack from the LCBO and now I’m learning that Shindig Huron County Lager has been rebranded as I sip one on a late-evening walk by their porch. When I chat with our friends across the street who have twins roughly the same age as our youngest, we discuss drinking Collective Arts’ Sparking Hard Teas at an upcoming day by our pool that we probably won’t be able to coordinate until the kids are in high school. Continue reading “My neighbour brings me beer”

The LCBO doesn’t have a definition for “craft beer” either

If you want to have an exhausting and irritating conversation with a bunch of beer nerds, bring up the subject of the definition of the word “craft.”

Opinions will quickly vary on whether or not it relates to production methods, some notion of “quality,” size, or ownership, and some folks think the word ought to be abandoned altogether. Personally, I’m of the opinion that the Brewers Association’s definition, while not perfect, provides a good place to start in order to create some working definition here in Canada–and I actually attempted to define the term in an August 2016 blog post.

My own efforts notwithstanding, the definition of “craft” seems to be something that we still struggle with here in Ontario. Even, it seems, at the LCBO.

First, let it be said that I do think the LCBO is making commendable efforts to support craft beer. Virtually every small brewer in Ontario that I’ve spoken to on the subject notes that the people working within the LCBO are very helpful and supportive when it comes to the local breweries who vie to hawk their wares on their store shelves. Aside from being overly bureaucratic and occasionally making some head-scratching decisions about beers that are and are not approved (NO LASER SHOW?!), I think the LCBO is a pretty darn decent place for craft beer.

That said, given that the government-run booze emporium is one of the few places we can legally buy beer to take home, too much of its advertising and merchandising seems to me to have a complicated relationship with the word craft. Continue reading “The LCBO doesn’t have a definition for “craft beer” either”

The definition of craft beer

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There is seemingly no craft beer debate more constant–and arguably more annoying–than the ongoing debate over the meaning of the word “craft.”

Every few months or so since 2005, when the board of the Brewers Association first voted to draft a definition of what a “craft brewer” is, it seems like the debate again rears its ugly head on twitter or on the blogosphere and we are treated to a now-familiar littany of opinions from beer writers, websites, advocates, brewers, and bar stool pontificators on what exactly “craft beer” means and whether or not we even need such a term.

Local beer blogging’s resident grumpy old man, Alan McLeod, got me thinking about this frustrating debate again earlier this week when he brought the topic up in a post about the similarly elusive quest to define craft beer’s looming (or is it?) “bubble.”

In his quick revisit of the “craft” debate that has enjoyed renewed vigor since the BA began arbirtrarily changing its definition so that Samuel Adams continues to meet the terms, McLeod ultimatley reasons that “[The word]” now includes so much meaning – so many meanings – that it no longer has little specific meaning.”

McLeod also touched on the thoughts of famed spirits writer Lew Bryson, who in a recent interview pleaded “Just call it beer. It’s beer,” and McLeod likewise revisits a 2014 Toronto Sun piece by his occasional co-author, the esteemed Jordan St. John Esq., who landed on a similar conclusion when he opined that ““Craft beer” has served its purpose as an idea and we need to move past it.”

And so it is not without due respect to these and the many other beer experts who have asked rhetorically “who can define craft beer” that I say to them today: Well, I can. Continue reading “The definition of craft beer”

Why is craft beer so white?

Be forewarned: This is a super long post. Like annoyingly long. Like “Really, Ben? Ever heard of editing?” long. But this is a topic with a lot of angles to be covered and a it’s one which I felt required fulsome exploration. Also, it’s my blog and you’ve been reading my shit for free for five years so I can do whatever I want. K, thanks. 

Canada’s craft beer industry is a friendly and welcoming scene.

Spend any amount of time in the company of the people who are making and drinking craft beer in this country and you’ll quickly be drawn in by the engaging events and the comradery that exists even among so-called competitors. Craft beer is fun and this inclusionary atmosphere (along with the interesting beer) is likely a big part of the reason more people are discovering craft beer and why estimates put small breweries’ share of Canada’s beer market at around 10%.

So why then, in an industry that seems implicitly welcoming and inclusive, are almost all those friendly faces white?

Scan a newspaper for news of a brewery opening in your town, check out local website coverage of the latest craft beer festival in your area–heck, just do a stock image search for “people drinking craft beer”–and you’ll see pretty quickly that Canada’s craft beer scene is whiter than a country club fundraiser for sustainable organic mayonnaise.

Toronto in particular, where Canada’s craft beer charge is arguably being led, is ranked among the most multicultural cities in the world, and is the most diverse city in the country with the last available census data stating 47.7% of the city’s population comprises “visible minorities.”

So why don’t any of these people of colour seem to be drinking, making, or selling beer? Continue reading “Why is craft beer so white?”

Ontario’s independent grocers want to support craft beer

grocery beer

Beer is coming to grocery stores.

No, really.

For a number of reasons, it’s been tough to believe that this development, first announced by the provincial government back in the spring of 2015, would ever actually come. Firstly, there’s the healthy dose of cynicism with which we’ve all learned to approach any news about alcohol reform in Ontario, and secondly, there’s the fact that, aside from those early announcements about 450 grocery stores that would eventually be allowed to sell beer, we haven’t actually heard a lot of details about how (or when) exactly this would all happen.

Until now.

In a Ben’s Beer Blog exclusive, I had an opportunity to chat recently with Tom Barlow, President and CEO of the Canadian Federation of Independent Grocers (CFIG).  This chat was exciting for a few reasons: Firstly, I’ve now got some details about what beer in grocery stores might actually look like, and secondly, the fact that independent grocers have been invited to take part in the conversation with Ed Clark and the panel overseeing the reform of beer sales bodes well for Ontario’s craft beer, in my opinion. Continue reading “Ontario’s independent grocers want to support craft beer”